Two years and counting

Posted On July 20, 2020July 20, 2020

I write this on the traditional Glasgow Fair Monday holiday.  It was the equivalent weekend two years ago that I found myself in the Queen Elizabeth University Hospital with no idea of what was wrong and eventually was diagnosed as multiple sclerosis.

Prior to this I knew very little about MS. 

Since then I have learned new words like “myelin sheath”, “demyelination” and that the holy grail of MS drug research is remyelination.

When I was first diagnosed, I Googled the condition, which is never a smart thing to do.  Presented with images of wheelchairs and quite serious disability, I freaked out.  Most of my interests involve sport so the thought that I could never do them again was my worst nightmare.  The first few months were a roller coaster of emotions.

Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief are identified as

• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• depression
• acceptance

I do not think there was much bargaining (here doctor, make it better, it will be worth your while), but I can attest to the other four.  Two years down the line, I have come to accept it and instead focus on adapting to this new normality.

Today

From reading about other cases, I feel incredibly lucky.  MS can progress very quickly from being active to being confined to a wheelchair within a year of diagnosis.  That I am still able to exercise is something I am very grateful for, both physically and mentally.

After two years, I am still mobile and can do most things I could do before.  I have pins and needles in my back and left leg all the time, although the severity varies from day to day.  Beyond that, I do not have the typical MS symptoms of fatigue or vision issues.

Since the initial hospital visit, I have had two rounds of disease modifying treatment which hopefully will stop the condition progressing for several years.

The Glasgow Fair holiday will always act as a reminder of when my life changed.  It took until now that it was not a reminder of what I lost.  After two years it reminds me to be thankful for what I still have.